Hey there everyone.
I know it's been quite a while since I last posted here. Well, things have been very crazy and up and down around my life over the past few weeks and that leads me to why I'm deciding to talk about grief and it's "process".
Back in February, my father passed away due to a heart attack that none of us saw coming. We can only assume that he must have been feeling ill but he never truly spoke of it to us. Nor did he go to the hospital for any of the issues he was obviously having that he liked to deny.
And I suppose here is a good a place as any to jump right into the thick of things.
You might be wondering why I put quote marks around the word process. Well, to be completely honest, when it comes to grieving I believe that everyone grieves in their own way and in their own order. I'm sure most people know of the typical fashion that science claims that we all grieve. However, I think they don't take into account other factors and that's where I believe having Asperger's Syndrome comes into play along with my own personal mindset.
There are books galore that talk about grieving and ways to go about it and even quite a few about those with autism and even Asperger Syndrome people grieving as well.
Now, if you want to read those books that talk about how things are different for those like us, I'm not saying you shouldn't. That's your personal decision to make. But again, I believe here that while it might be a good guide that a book shouldn't be the deciding factor in how you decide to grieve. Things might hit you in a different way than the book describes and it might make you feel bad that you don't follow that "process" and therefore force yourself to feel or act that way although you aren't ready to.
Also, people look at death and how they want to deal with their lives after someone dear to them as passed. Even here each culture has different views on death and how they choose to go about it. In New Orleans, a band plays a somber tune while leading everyone to the cemetery but when they leave they lead everyone back out playing an upbeat tune in a way of celebrating that person's life. Other cultures instead of grieving first, look at the positive side. They remember the very best parts of that person's life and actively strive to live everyday in honor of that person to be the best they can be.
As for me, I personally feel as though I am following that second path. While I can admit there are times emotion overwhelms me and I start to cry, that eventually passes and I move on. The rest of my time is spent actively working to live like I knew he would want me to live. As my dad used to say: "I don't want to see my baby girl upset." He knows I miss him. He knows that I love him. And I don't think he thinks any less of me because I'm not crying at all hours and constantly worrying. I do believe he prefers seeing me working to achieve everything he knew I could be and do. He wouldn't want me to feel bad that I'm not feeling bad enough.
The best way I can summarize this was from an episode of Roseanne. Roseanne's father had passed and her daughter told her that she hadn't cried yet and that she felt bad because she hadn't. Roseanne's response was: you can only feel what you feel. This is very true. If you feel sad then you can be sad but once that passes you can slowly pick the pieces back up and carry on again. But if you don't feel bad, it's not wrong. It just means you have been given the opportunity to start to move on with life and that you should take advantage of it.
Sure I'm not the highest authority on grieving and my ramblings here can be considered a book as well. So don't just take my word for it. I highly recommend talking to the people around you. Friends, family, co-workers, teachers, etc. Write it out, talk it out. Do whatever comes most naturally to you.
Essentially that's all I'm saying here. Grief is a personal process and you are the person who decides how you will go about it. While you can take someone else's advice, you aren't obligated to take it right then but keep it as an option should your way not work the way you might hope.
As for me, I'm gonna just keep my head up. Keep working on my life and do what I feel is the right thing for me. I'm going to make big changes but only on my terms.
That's the advice I will end on. As best stated by Dolly Parton: "Find out who you are and do it on purpose."
I know it's been quite a while since I last posted here. Well, things have been very crazy and up and down around my life over the past few weeks and that leads me to why I'm deciding to talk about grief and it's "process".
Back in February, my father passed away due to a heart attack that none of us saw coming. We can only assume that he must have been feeling ill but he never truly spoke of it to us. Nor did he go to the hospital for any of the issues he was obviously having that he liked to deny.
And I suppose here is a good a place as any to jump right into the thick of things.
You might be wondering why I put quote marks around the word process. Well, to be completely honest, when it comes to grieving I believe that everyone grieves in their own way and in their own order. I'm sure most people know of the typical fashion that science claims that we all grieve. However, I think they don't take into account other factors and that's where I believe having Asperger's Syndrome comes into play along with my own personal mindset.
There are books galore that talk about grieving and ways to go about it and even quite a few about those with autism and even Asperger Syndrome people grieving as well.
Now, if you want to read those books that talk about how things are different for those like us, I'm not saying you shouldn't. That's your personal decision to make. But again, I believe here that while it might be a good guide that a book shouldn't be the deciding factor in how you decide to grieve. Things might hit you in a different way than the book describes and it might make you feel bad that you don't follow that "process" and therefore force yourself to feel or act that way although you aren't ready to.
Also, people look at death and how they want to deal with their lives after someone dear to them as passed. Even here each culture has different views on death and how they choose to go about it. In New Orleans, a band plays a somber tune while leading everyone to the cemetery but when they leave they lead everyone back out playing an upbeat tune in a way of celebrating that person's life. Other cultures instead of grieving first, look at the positive side. They remember the very best parts of that person's life and actively strive to live everyday in honor of that person to be the best they can be.
As for me, I personally feel as though I am following that second path. While I can admit there are times emotion overwhelms me and I start to cry, that eventually passes and I move on. The rest of my time is spent actively working to live like I knew he would want me to live. As my dad used to say: "I don't want to see my baby girl upset." He knows I miss him. He knows that I love him. And I don't think he thinks any less of me because I'm not crying at all hours and constantly worrying. I do believe he prefers seeing me working to achieve everything he knew I could be and do. He wouldn't want me to feel bad that I'm not feeling bad enough.
The best way I can summarize this was from an episode of Roseanne. Roseanne's father had passed and her daughter told her that she hadn't cried yet and that she felt bad because she hadn't. Roseanne's response was: you can only feel what you feel. This is very true. If you feel sad then you can be sad but once that passes you can slowly pick the pieces back up and carry on again. But if you don't feel bad, it's not wrong. It just means you have been given the opportunity to start to move on with life and that you should take advantage of it.
Sure I'm not the highest authority on grieving and my ramblings here can be considered a book as well. So don't just take my word for it. I highly recommend talking to the people around you. Friends, family, co-workers, teachers, etc. Write it out, talk it out. Do whatever comes most naturally to you.
Essentially that's all I'm saying here. Grief is a personal process and you are the person who decides how you will go about it. While you can take someone else's advice, you aren't obligated to take it right then but keep it as an option should your way not work the way you might hope.
As for me, I'm gonna just keep my head up. Keep working on my life and do what I feel is the right thing for me. I'm going to make big changes but only on my terms.
That's the advice I will end on. As best stated by Dolly Parton: "Find out who you are and do it on purpose."
