Hey there again everyone.
Well, first a quick update before jumping into my topic.
I have been working on my book, though not as much as I hoped I would, but I figure editing as a go would be easier than to try and edit EVERYTHING after I'm done. Whether that's true or not actually remains to be seen after it's all said and done. Everything is a learning process and I have to start somewhere.
Now, onward to my topic.
Introverts and Aspies. Those two terms are more interchangeable than most people think. Some people that have Aspergers are thought to just be introverts and vice versa.
But what is true is that Aspergers is a social disorder. Like a saying I once heard that I will now edit for my own purposes: All Aspies are introverts but not all introverts are Aspies.
I'm not going to go into here the how and why and what have you about what Aspergers is. What I am going to do is base my post today off a list I saw a while back on the internet about the top ten myths about introverts and give the Aspie side of them from my own point of view. So let's begin.
Myth Number 1 - Introverts and Aspies don't like to talk.
Here is a prime place to start. Yes, Aspergers is a social disorder and those with it tend to avoid social situations in which they would have to talk with people.
However, that doesn't mean that they don't like to talk or won't ever talk.
With the majority of situations I've been in, the conversations around me I tend to look at from a logical perspective. Or rather too logical. I have little time or concern for who is dating who in popular media. Who the US is going to war with. Idle gossip about so and so's friend dating so and so. Etc Etc. You get the picture.
During those times, I can feel my eyes start to glaze over and I forget to look attentive and interested because in my head...why should I be? Most people have told me they hate being lied to and for me that gets taken literally and I'm naturally too honest in every situation. Lately, I've tried to tone that down when it's appropriate and try to be more attentive even when the subject is just not something I'm into but my friend or family member is.
On the flip side of that, you get me talking about movies, books, music, stories and I'm in. This doesn't mean I'm all gun-ho for going to art galleries but I like art and movies and the like and some times people are hard pressed to get me to realize I'm now dominating the conversation. In a way, I haven't been talking this whole conversation and finding something I can actually talk about is like releasing the steam off a valve or a tea kettle or something. It all just starts pouring out because I want to be part of the conversation.
But keep in mind too that just because an Aspie around you has suddenly become very talkative doesn't mean that'll last. A lot of the times once I get all of that out I'm literally done talking for the next few hours because I've worn myself out or I've been made to feel like I should shut up because I've talked over everyone else. Logical? Not really. But hey, it's the truth.
Myth Number 2 - Introverts and Aspies are shy
This again goes hand in hand with the above thoughts. Aspeies are not going to socialize as often as everyone else. Why? Because they get more out of short moments than long ones but that'll come up more later.
I honestly have times where I've been pushed around by my own family members about the fact I should go out and do something. My reaction: Why? Reason: This is because I really need a reason to be social and to talk to someone. I don't do it because I should because to me that's not a valid reason. I talk to people because there is something I want to say because I have a goal in mind that I've been thinking about.
If you want someone around you that's an Aspie to interact, don't wait for someone to do it. Go over there yourself and strike up a conversation. Take it easy on them because they may not be used to it and might have to be eased into it. But if you can get them talking then be warned they might not shut up. But that's a good thing.
Myth Number 3 - Introverts and Aspies are rude
This couldn't be farther from the truth.
I can easily admit there are times I've been confronted about something I've said that offended someone and I was truly shocked. Sure, I'm sure there are some out there who are being rude. Maybe they have a bad home life. Maybe they are having a bad day. Maybe they are self conscious and trying to be louder and haughty to make everyone think otherwise.
As for me, I am usually oblivious to anything I've said that might be offensive because I just don't think that way on a regular basis. I'm generally a very kind person and it takes a lot for me to be truly angry at someone. My tagline around new people once they learn of my Aspie nature has been this: Just know that at some point I might say something that sounds rude or off. IF that happens please stop me and tell me especially if it comes out of left field. I may not know that I've done it and will apologize for it.
This links back in to the fact that those who are Aspies are VERY straight forward when they shouldn't be and can be too harsh. They can be honest to a fault and in most situations that's not the way they should act but they are very unaware of it on the whole. In their minds, they think everyone should be honest.
Despite their honest nature, their efforts to converse can be physically and mentally draining as well and might make them irritable. At which point they might last out or burst into tears because they have been over stimulated in public. Should this happen the BEST thing that anyone can do is for ONE person to take them aside AWAY from the situation and just sit with them quietly while they calm down. Trust me, they will thank you for it later.
Myth Number 4 - Introverts and Aspies don't like people
Actually I happen to love people. I have some very close and beloved friends. The fact alone that I can count my friends on one hand doesn't matter. What matters is that those who have made it to being my friends is me allowing people into my weird little world.
As a person with Aspergers it is hard to open up long enough to let someone in to be a friend. To trust them. Now that they are my friend, I trust them as much if not more than some of my family members. They know things about me that others don't. Currently, everyone I have in my life is someone that has been around since I learned that I have Aspergers. There are a few people I wish were still around but aren't because location, life changes, or they just couldn't understand and handle my wild and wacky ways before I knew it was Aspergers.
Now that these people are in my "inner circle" because I have seen in them something so valuable that I want them around and that I can tell they see me as something more than just a disorder, I find the thought of them not being in my life a dull and colorless notion that I never like to entertain for long.
Once an Aspie is your closest friend, know you can easily have a friend for life.
Myth Number 5 - Introverts and Aspies don't like to go out in public
For this I'm literally going to quote the original word for word:
"Nonsense. Introverts [Aspies] just don't like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don't need to be there for long to 'get it.' They're ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts [Aspies]."
That sums it up better than anything else. There is really nothing more to say on that matter.
Myth Number 6 - Introverts and Aspies always want to be alone
Aspies do like spending SOME time alone. Sometimes it's just a time to process their day. Other times, it's a Saturday they like to fill with things they enjoy doing. No two Aspies are alike in what they like to do but they tend to like to do it alone.
However, they also have times when they've been doing something fun and they long to share it with someone else. They may not expect you to do it with them but they will want to tell you all about it.
I can say for me that there are even times that get so upset that I don't have anyone to share it with that I can be depressed for a few hours.
Keep in mind, you can give them a chance to come out with you and talk and hang out. But don't be upset when they don't want to go. They are probably nervous about going out and having their plans changed on them. Don't get discouraged and think they will never want to go out. Come back another time and try again. They might just surprise you and say yes.
Myth Number 7 - Introverts and Aspies are weird
In a way this is true. Again I'm going to pull from the original here: "They are often individualists. They don't follow the crowd. They'd prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don't make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy."
I know I have ideas and such that aren't traditional. My way of speaking, writing, drawing, moving, or anything else is going to be unique to me. The only thing I'm looking for is someone who can accept my weirdness and see the person underneath all of that.
Myth Number 8 - Introverts and Aspies are aloof nerds
This is completely untrue. I space out from time to time but that's only because I have this inner dialouge running with myself or some imaginary being in my own mind. It stimulates my mind in a way I can control and turn off when I have had enough. That's something no one can do with the world around them.
So people who are Aspies tend to seem aloof or standoffish because they are more confident with the thoughts in their own mind. It's the one place where they won't be berated or expected to do more than they can handle.
Myth Number 9 - Introverts and Aspies don't know how to relax and have fun
Here is something that is a hot issue with me. Everyone has their own idea of what is fun to do. For some they can't handle a day without a trip to the mall. Or a ride on a rollercoaster. Or even going out to a club. But for those with Aspergers, like myself, we like to relax at home or somewhere quiet. Public places aren't relaxing enough to have fun in.
There is so much activity going on that my mind keeps working like someone who is cramming for a major test. Eventually, my mind will get tired and I have to shut down and escape. Just like in introverts, an Aspies mind is too sensitive to everything going on around them and once that is overstimulated all the fun and games are over.
Myth Number 10 - Introverts and Aspies can fix themselves and become Extroverts
This is something that really gets on my nerves. The term "fix" isn't something I believe you can do to a person. You can fix a car, a computer, and a broken vase. But you don't fix a person. Each person is an individual and should be respected for their different temperaments and abilities. Aspies can bring great things to the human race and saying they should be "fixed" and be like everyone else. They all ready don't like conforming to traditional standards but I believe this to be downright disrespectful.
Aspies are intellectual people and can think well enough for themselves. The fact anyone might suggest they need to change to be more outgoing just forces them to ignore those things they can do the best for things people think they should be good at. This can easily deprive others of something valuable that an Aspie can bring to the table.
-End rant-
So there you have it. These myths are very good things to keep in mind about those who are introverts and those who are Aspies.
There are more out there but as a general list it's a great place to start learning about what not to think about in these situations.
Everyone is unique and if you manage to take into account those oddities of friends that aren't diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome then why not take the time to do the same thing for those that are.
Well, first a quick update before jumping into my topic.
I have been working on my book, though not as much as I hoped I would, but I figure editing as a go would be easier than to try and edit EVERYTHING after I'm done. Whether that's true or not actually remains to be seen after it's all said and done. Everything is a learning process and I have to start somewhere.
Now, onward to my topic.
Introverts and Aspies. Those two terms are more interchangeable than most people think. Some people that have Aspergers are thought to just be introverts and vice versa.
But what is true is that Aspergers is a social disorder. Like a saying I once heard that I will now edit for my own purposes: All Aspies are introverts but not all introverts are Aspies.
I'm not going to go into here the how and why and what have you about what Aspergers is. What I am going to do is base my post today off a list I saw a while back on the internet about the top ten myths about introverts and give the Aspie side of them from my own point of view. So let's begin.
Myth Number 1 - Introverts and Aspies don't like to talk.
Here is a prime place to start. Yes, Aspergers is a social disorder and those with it tend to avoid social situations in which they would have to talk with people.
However, that doesn't mean that they don't like to talk or won't ever talk.
With the majority of situations I've been in, the conversations around me I tend to look at from a logical perspective. Or rather too logical. I have little time or concern for who is dating who in popular media. Who the US is going to war with. Idle gossip about so and so's friend dating so and so. Etc Etc. You get the picture.
During those times, I can feel my eyes start to glaze over and I forget to look attentive and interested because in my head...why should I be? Most people have told me they hate being lied to and for me that gets taken literally and I'm naturally too honest in every situation. Lately, I've tried to tone that down when it's appropriate and try to be more attentive even when the subject is just not something I'm into but my friend or family member is.
On the flip side of that, you get me talking about movies, books, music, stories and I'm in. This doesn't mean I'm all gun-ho for going to art galleries but I like art and movies and the like and some times people are hard pressed to get me to realize I'm now dominating the conversation. In a way, I haven't been talking this whole conversation and finding something I can actually talk about is like releasing the steam off a valve or a tea kettle or something. It all just starts pouring out because I want to be part of the conversation.
But keep in mind too that just because an Aspie around you has suddenly become very talkative doesn't mean that'll last. A lot of the times once I get all of that out I'm literally done talking for the next few hours because I've worn myself out or I've been made to feel like I should shut up because I've talked over everyone else. Logical? Not really. But hey, it's the truth.
Myth Number 2 - Introverts and Aspies are shy
This again goes hand in hand with the above thoughts. Aspeies are not going to socialize as often as everyone else. Why? Because they get more out of short moments than long ones but that'll come up more later.
I honestly have times where I've been pushed around by my own family members about the fact I should go out and do something. My reaction: Why? Reason: This is because I really need a reason to be social and to talk to someone. I don't do it because I should because to me that's not a valid reason. I talk to people because there is something I want to say because I have a goal in mind that I've been thinking about.
If you want someone around you that's an Aspie to interact, don't wait for someone to do it. Go over there yourself and strike up a conversation. Take it easy on them because they may not be used to it and might have to be eased into it. But if you can get them talking then be warned they might not shut up. But that's a good thing.
Myth Number 3 - Introverts and Aspies are rude
This couldn't be farther from the truth.
I can easily admit there are times I've been confronted about something I've said that offended someone and I was truly shocked. Sure, I'm sure there are some out there who are being rude. Maybe they have a bad home life. Maybe they are having a bad day. Maybe they are self conscious and trying to be louder and haughty to make everyone think otherwise.
As for me, I am usually oblivious to anything I've said that might be offensive because I just don't think that way on a regular basis. I'm generally a very kind person and it takes a lot for me to be truly angry at someone. My tagline around new people once they learn of my Aspie nature has been this: Just know that at some point I might say something that sounds rude or off. IF that happens please stop me and tell me especially if it comes out of left field. I may not know that I've done it and will apologize for it.
This links back in to the fact that those who are Aspies are VERY straight forward when they shouldn't be and can be too harsh. They can be honest to a fault and in most situations that's not the way they should act but they are very unaware of it on the whole. In their minds, they think everyone should be honest.
Despite their honest nature, their efforts to converse can be physically and mentally draining as well and might make them irritable. At which point they might last out or burst into tears because they have been over stimulated in public. Should this happen the BEST thing that anyone can do is for ONE person to take them aside AWAY from the situation and just sit with them quietly while they calm down. Trust me, they will thank you for it later.
Myth Number 4 - Introverts and Aspies don't like people
Actually I happen to love people. I have some very close and beloved friends. The fact alone that I can count my friends on one hand doesn't matter. What matters is that those who have made it to being my friends is me allowing people into my weird little world.
As a person with Aspergers it is hard to open up long enough to let someone in to be a friend. To trust them. Now that they are my friend, I trust them as much if not more than some of my family members. They know things about me that others don't. Currently, everyone I have in my life is someone that has been around since I learned that I have Aspergers. There are a few people I wish were still around but aren't because location, life changes, or they just couldn't understand and handle my wild and wacky ways before I knew it was Aspergers.
Now that these people are in my "inner circle" because I have seen in them something so valuable that I want them around and that I can tell they see me as something more than just a disorder, I find the thought of them not being in my life a dull and colorless notion that I never like to entertain for long.
Once an Aspie is your closest friend, know you can easily have a friend for life.
Myth Number 5 - Introverts and Aspies don't like to go out in public
For this I'm literally going to quote the original word for word:
"Nonsense. Introverts [Aspies] just don't like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don't need to be there for long to 'get it.' They're ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts [Aspies]."
That sums it up better than anything else. There is really nothing more to say on that matter.
Myth Number 6 - Introverts and Aspies always want to be alone
Aspies do like spending SOME time alone. Sometimes it's just a time to process their day. Other times, it's a Saturday they like to fill with things they enjoy doing. No two Aspies are alike in what they like to do but they tend to like to do it alone.
However, they also have times when they've been doing something fun and they long to share it with someone else. They may not expect you to do it with them but they will want to tell you all about it.
I can say for me that there are even times that get so upset that I don't have anyone to share it with that I can be depressed for a few hours.
Keep in mind, you can give them a chance to come out with you and talk and hang out. But don't be upset when they don't want to go. They are probably nervous about going out and having their plans changed on them. Don't get discouraged and think they will never want to go out. Come back another time and try again. They might just surprise you and say yes.
Myth Number 7 - Introverts and Aspies are weird
In a way this is true. Again I'm going to pull from the original here: "They are often individualists. They don't follow the crowd. They'd prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don't make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy."
I know I have ideas and such that aren't traditional. My way of speaking, writing, drawing, moving, or anything else is going to be unique to me. The only thing I'm looking for is someone who can accept my weirdness and see the person underneath all of that.
Myth Number 8 - Introverts and Aspies are aloof nerds
This is completely untrue. I space out from time to time but that's only because I have this inner dialouge running with myself or some imaginary being in my own mind. It stimulates my mind in a way I can control and turn off when I have had enough. That's something no one can do with the world around them.
So people who are Aspies tend to seem aloof or standoffish because they are more confident with the thoughts in their own mind. It's the one place where they won't be berated or expected to do more than they can handle.
Myth Number 9 - Introverts and Aspies don't know how to relax and have fun
Here is something that is a hot issue with me. Everyone has their own idea of what is fun to do. For some they can't handle a day without a trip to the mall. Or a ride on a rollercoaster. Or even going out to a club. But for those with Aspergers, like myself, we like to relax at home or somewhere quiet. Public places aren't relaxing enough to have fun in.
There is so much activity going on that my mind keeps working like someone who is cramming for a major test. Eventually, my mind will get tired and I have to shut down and escape. Just like in introverts, an Aspies mind is too sensitive to everything going on around them and once that is overstimulated all the fun and games are over.
Myth Number 10 - Introverts and Aspies can fix themselves and become Extroverts
This is something that really gets on my nerves. The term "fix" isn't something I believe you can do to a person. You can fix a car, a computer, and a broken vase. But you don't fix a person. Each person is an individual and should be respected for their different temperaments and abilities. Aspies can bring great things to the human race and saying they should be "fixed" and be like everyone else. They all ready don't like conforming to traditional standards but I believe this to be downright disrespectful.
Aspies are intellectual people and can think well enough for themselves. The fact anyone might suggest they need to change to be more outgoing just forces them to ignore those things they can do the best for things people think they should be good at. This can easily deprive others of something valuable that an Aspie can bring to the table.
-End rant-
So there you have it. These myths are very good things to keep in mind about those who are introverts and those who are Aspies.
There are more out there but as a general list it's a great place to start learning about what not to think about in these situations.
Everyone is unique and if you manage to take into account those oddities of friends that aren't diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome then why not take the time to do the same thing for those that are.
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