Well, things have been super crazy for me lately.
NaNoWriMo is in full swing for me. I have two stories I'm working on and at times I feel like I'm losing my mind with all of this. I think, why did I even do this to myself in the first place.
Then, I'll see something or something will happen and I realize why I'm doing this.
Just a quick update before I jump into my craziness. So far my Asperger book I've decided to call An Aspie's Life is up to 18,993 words. That leaves another 31,007 to write before the end of November. Now, I'm not even remotely sure that I'm going to get it completely done by the end of the month. To me "completely done" means that not only have a written it but I've also edited it for content. Here's hoping I can at least finish writing out that many words by the end of November.
Now, time to delve into my craziness that really set me back a bit on my story writing.
While the person involved with this little story feels really bad about what happened, if they do read this then I want to say that I don't blame you for what happened. It's not your fault but unforeseen circumstances threw our well made plans out of balance. That's what threw me and my mind for a loop that hard.
So, for the rest of you. You might be wondering what it is I'm talking about.
Well, I had decided that since I had so much writing to do for my stories that I really wanted to get done, that I was going to make a day "a writing day". I wouldn't do anything but write. Sure, once in a while I knew I should take breaks so my fingers wouldn't cramp up on me. But I had a goal that I wanted to do.
Now, I don't exactly get up early in the morning. Truthfully, my wake up time is usually 10 am. Not exactly morning to a lot of people but it's just always the schedule I've been on. I figured I'd wake up, get a few things in order, maybe start my laundry, and then settle down to write my little heart out.
But, that's not exactly the way things worked out. First off, my alarm wasn't on. I didn't even wake up till 10:30. That threw me off my perfect game plan even though it was only thirty minutes. Sometimes that's enough to rattle me. So, I hopped up and avoiding my clothing in the floor that I liked to joke looks like my closet exploded, to go at least give a good morning to my dad since my mom was at work.
This is when another things landed on me. You see, I have a hard enough time trying to focus after I've just woken up. Usually I'm pretty grouchy if someone tries to plan out my day before I'm even coherent. I'm not a coffee drinker but I have considered it from time to time. This morning was no exception because my dad immediately asked me if I wanted to go out today with him and drive around town.
I will omit the evil thoughts I had going through my head from a guy that usually knows better than that. But I tried my best to stay polite and let him know what I had planned to do plus the fact I wasn't all together sure that I had clean laundry.
So, I went back to my room and decided since my day was all ready a bust from how I actually wanted it that I'd attempt to go. Besides, when free food is offered who can say no?
I went through my room and found some clean clothing that I could wear with the mental note that they would definitely have to be washed the next day. It took me a while to get ready to go and by that time I had nearly fallen asleep twice because my dog Jack had come in and snuggled up to me on the bed.
But eventually, I managed to get myself presentable. Knowing my dad's errands actually involved business he had to do and that I would be just driving around waiting for him so he wouldn't get a parking ticket meant I'd have some waiting ahead of me. I grabbed a book on the off chance that I would find a place I could pull over and stop circling like a buzzard to read something.
With all that set and me wearing some decent clothing for when we went by his office, I grabbed up the keys and we headed out. It was about 12:30. Now, the original plans were simply to visit by one college he had to pick up something from and then take it in to the office so they could start working on it. You see, my dad works part time for a printing company.
Anyway, before we got to the college, the plans were all ready changing. Now, there was a second place to go to on the same campus and he didn't know how long that would take him. The first guy had offered that he'd bring it out to my dad if he just called before we got there.
Well, that didn't happen. My dad is a genuinely good guy and he doesn't like people doing more work than they have to especially today since it was exceptionally cold outside. I pulled up outside the building I had seen time and again before to let my dad out. Once he was gone, I began to circle the building. The tedium set in. I was getting fed up with driving in circles because there was no where to park or pull over.
I was about to park illegally somewhere when I came back around towards the building and saw him coming out. I was more than happy to see we were about to leave. By this time I was all ready hungry. Because of my inability to eat after I've gotten up, I had only had a handful of peanuts and it was getting on towards two in the afternoon.
He told me that we would just make this one stop and then on the way to his office we could grab something to eat. I swallowed back the anxiety I was starting to feel and just relaxed. I knew he would take care of me I just had to be patient. I had all ready decided this wasn't going to be the writing day I had hoped. That didn't completely stop my anxiety though.
We went to look for the other building and got lost getting there because things had changed so much since he had last been there. Thankfully this time, there was a parking space I could pull into. This helped immensely so I could shut off the car and read the book I had brought with me. I was able to pull back and not think about the time and just get lost in a book. So, I didn't think to look at the time till dad finally emerged and got back into the car.
It was now after three in the afternoon.
My mind asserted to me that I needed to have something to eat. That I normally ate at noon and it should have been like that. Why hadn't I eaten anything yet? This was the moment I began to spiral out of control. I was barely contained when we finally left the campus and headed towards dad's office.
For a while afterwards, dad was rather oblivious to the turmoil I was going through. Mostly because I had contained it, barely, and he was talking on and on about something or other. I wasn't really paying attention. Eventually, though, I couldn't hide it anymore and I found myself silently crying.
There was no reason for this really. My stomach wasn't growling. I wasn't feeling dizzy. He hadn't said anything to upset me. My mental plans of how a day should go had just been thrown into the figurative blender and spun about messing everything up. At least that was how I saw it.
Finally, he noticed that I was upset and asked if he had said something to upset me. Slowly, we talked everything out and although I didn't blame him for what happened, it was apparent to me that he did. Even as we got to his office, he offered me an out so I could sit outside and take a breather. But even the thought of sitting there alone wasn't helpful. I wanted to be with people. I didn't want to be upset. And...my legs were crying out to move around.
Instead of just hanging out in the front with the secretary that I knew so well, I took a moment to go to the bathroom which gave me a moment to calm down and breathe so I wouldn't break down in the middle of the lobby.
By the time I came out, I was mostly composed and was able to chat with the secretary and one of the other guys who worked there. I even joked around a bit even though I didn't feel like it. One of the jokes I made was to the secretary about how my dad needed to treat his driver a little better. She was hungry and that was her paycheck she wanted to cash in.
I got her in on the ribbing of my dad a bit to try and lighten the situation since he hadn't eaten anything for lunch either. That alone did more to help my state of mind than anything else. The way back was better. True, I was quite eager to get back to a place where we could sit down and eat something. No I didn't speed. But I wanted to.
But in the end, everything turned out all right. I got something to eat. Joked around some more and finally got to go home. Despite my dedication to NaNoWriMo, I knew I wasn't going to do any writing today. I had only eaten something at 4:30 and gotten home at 5:00. It was not a good day to start writing but a very good day to have some personal time to play video games and get my mind off the day I had.
Being an Aspie that day was NOT a good thing. If I didn't have this issue that wouldn't have happened at all I don't think. I would have thought rationally instead of on some schedule of the way I thought things should be. I did the wrong thing and didn't plan for the unexpected side trips that I knew could happen. I thought I could get away with just assuming that everything was going to work out like he said it would.
I learned my lesson that day and I don't think I'll ever forget it. I'm an Aspie every day. Not just once in a while. I need to be honest with myself and say no if I really know something will mess me up. Being more assertive is hard as an Aspie because you aren't really the most outgoing person. But I've found it is so very important when it comes to your mental health.
Keep in mind that while times may be tough once in a while. Things will get better. Eventually, they will just be a memory of a hard time that you managed to overcome. If you are facing a hard time right now, it may not seem like there's going to be an end to it. It may seem like the bad times are there to stay. But that's not true. There are sure to be good times in your life after this. Like I've told people before, how are we to know what the bad times are if we never have the good times to reflect back on?
If things are going bad, keep up the hope for the good. Don't think that it will never end. Everything has an end and it will come to you today, tomorrow, next week, or next month. It might feel like a long time to wait but eventually it will pass like this did for me and you can look back and see that you made it.
That's all from this chic for now. Time for Creative Karma to get back to the books, so to speak.
NaNoWriMo is in full swing for me. I have two stories I'm working on and at times I feel like I'm losing my mind with all of this. I think, why did I even do this to myself in the first place.
Then, I'll see something or something will happen and I realize why I'm doing this.
Just a quick update before I jump into my craziness. So far my Asperger book I've decided to call An Aspie's Life is up to 18,993 words. That leaves another 31,007 to write before the end of November. Now, I'm not even remotely sure that I'm going to get it completely done by the end of the month. To me "completely done" means that not only have a written it but I've also edited it for content. Here's hoping I can at least finish writing out that many words by the end of November.
Now, time to delve into my craziness that really set me back a bit on my story writing.
While the person involved with this little story feels really bad about what happened, if they do read this then I want to say that I don't blame you for what happened. It's not your fault but unforeseen circumstances threw our well made plans out of balance. That's what threw me and my mind for a loop that hard.
So, for the rest of you. You might be wondering what it is I'm talking about.
Well, I had decided that since I had so much writing to do for my stories that I really wanted to get done, that I was going to make a day "a writing day". I wouldn't do anything but write. Sure, once in a while I knew I should take breaks so my fingers wouldn't cramp up on me. But I had a goal that I wanted to do.
Now, I don't exactly get up early in the morning. Truthfully, my wake up time is usually 10 am. Not exactly morning to a lot of people but it's just always the schedule I've been on. I figured I'd wake up, get a few things in order, maybe start my laundry, and then settle down to write my little heart out.
But, that's not exactly the way things worked out. First off, my alarm wasn't on. I didn't even wake up till 10:30. That threw me off my perfect game plan even though it was only thirty minutes. Sometimes that's enough to rattle me. So, I hopped up and avoiding my clothing in the floor that I liked to joke looks like my closet exploded, to go at least give a good morning to my dad since my mom was at work.
This is when another things landed on me. You see, I have a hard enough time trying to focus after I've just woken up. Usually I'm pretty grouchy if someone tries to plan out my day before I'm even coherent. I'm not a coffee drinker but I have considered it from time to time. This morning was no exception because my dad immediately asked me if I wanted to go out today with him and drive around town.
I will omit the evil thoughts I had going through my head from a guy that usually knows better than that. But I tried my best to stay polite and let him know what I had planned to do plus the fact I wasn't all together sure that I had clean laundry.
So, I went back to my room and decided since my day was all ready a bust from how I actually wanted it that I'd attempt to go. Besides, when free food is offered who can say no?
I went through my room and found some clean clothing that I could wear with the mental note that they would definitely have to be washed the next day. It took me a while to get ready to go and by that time I had nearly fallen asleep twice because my dog Jack had come in and snuggled up to me on the bed.
But eventually, I managed to get myself presentable. Knowing my dad's errands actually involved business he had to do and that I would be just driving around waiting for him so he wouldn't get a parking ticket meant I'd have some waiting ahead of me. I grabbed a book on the off chance that I would find a place I could pull over and stop circling like a buzzard to read something.
With all that set and me wearing some decent clothing for when we went by his office, I grabbed up the keys and we headed out. It was about 12:30. Now, the original plans were simply to visit by one college he had to pick up something from and then take it in to the office so they could start working on it. You see, my dad works part time for a printing company.
Anyway, before we got to the college, the plans were all ready changing. Now, there was a second place to go to on the same campus and he didn't know how long that would take him. The first guy had offered that he'd bring it out to my dad if he just called before we got there.
Well, that didn't happen. My dad is a genuinely good guy and he doesn't like people doing more work than they have to especially today since it was exceptionally cold outside. I pulled up outside the building I had seen time and again before to let my dad out. Once he was gone, I began to circle the building. The tedium set in. I was getting fed up with driving in circles because there was no where to park or pull over.
I was about to park illegally somewhere when I came back around towards the building and saw him coming out. I was more than happy to see we were about to leave. By this time I was all ready hungry. Because of my inability to eat after I've gotten up, I had only had a handful of peanuts and it was getting on towards two in the afternoon.
He told me that we would just make this one stop and then on the way to his office we could grab something to eat. I swallowed back the anxiety I was starting to feel and just relaxed. I knew he would take care of me I just had to be patient. I had all ready decided this wasn't going to be the writing day I had hoped. That didn't completely stop my anxiety though.
We went to look for the other building and got lost getting there because things had changed so much since he had last been there. Thankfully this time, there was a parking space I could pull into. This helped immensely so I could shut off the car and read the book I had brought with me. I was able to pull back and not think about the time and just get lost in a book. So, I didn't think to look at the time till dad finally emerged and got back into the car.
It was now after three in the afternoon.
My mind asserted to me that I needed to have something to eat. That I normally ate at noon and it should have been like that. Why hadn't I eaten anything yet? This was the moment I began to spiral out of control. I was barely contained when we finally left the campus and headed towards dad's office.
For a while afterwards, dad was rather oblivious to the turmoil I was going through. Mostly because I had contained it, barely, and he was talking on and on about something or other. I wasn't really paying attention. Eventually, though, I couldn't hide it anymore and I found myself silently crying.
There was no reason for this really. My stomach wasn't growling. I wasn't feeling dizzy. He hadn't said anything to upset me. My mental plans of how a day should go had just been thrown into the figurative blender and spun about messing everything up. At least that was how I saw it.
Finally, he noticed that I was upset and asked if he had said something to upset me. Slowly, we talked everything out and although I didn't blame him for what happened, it was apparent to me that he did. Even as we got to his office, he offered me an out so I could sit outside and take a breather. But even the thought of sitting there alone wasn't helpful. I wanted to be with people. I didn't want to be upset. And...my legs were crying out to move around.
Instead of just hanging out in the front with the secretary that I knew so well, I took a moment to go to the bathroom which gave me a moment to calm down and breathe so I wouldn't break down in the middle of the lobby.
By the time I came out, I was mostly composed and was able to chat with the secretary and one of the other guys who worked there. I even joked around a bit even though I didn't feel like it. One of the jokes I made was to the secretary about how my dad needed to treat his driver a little better. She was hungry and that was her paycheck she wanted to cash in.
I got her in on the ribbing of my dad a bit to try and lighten the situation since he hadn't eaten anything for lunch either. That alone did more to help my state of mind than anything else. The way back was better. True, I was quite eager to get back to a place where we could sit down and eat something. No I didn't speed. But I wanted to.
But in the end, everything turned out all right. I got something to eat. Joked around some more and finally got to go home. Despite my dedication to NaNoWriMo, I knew I wasn't going to do any writing today. I had only eaten something at 4:30 and gotten home at 5:00. It was not a good day to start writing but a very good day to have some personal time to play video games and get my mind off the day I had.
Being an Aspie that day was NOT a good thing. If I didn't have this issue that wouldn't have happened at all I don't think. I would have thought rationally instead of on some schedule of the way I thought things should be. I did the wrong thing and didn't plan for the unexpected side trips that I knew could happen. I thought I could get away with just assuming that everything was going to work out like he said it would.
I learned my lesson that day and I don't think I'll ever forget it. I'm an Aspie every day. Not just once in a while. I need to be honest with myself and say no if I really know something will mess me up. Being more assertive is hard as an Aspie because you aren't really the most outgoing person. But I've found it is so very important when it comes to your mental health.
Keep in mind that while times may be tough once in a while. Things will get better. Eventually, they will just be a memory of a hard time that you managed to overcome. If you are facing a hard time right now, it may not seem like there's going to be an end to it. It may seem like the bad times are there to stay. But that's not true. There are sure to be good times in your life after this. Like I've told people before, how are we to know what the bad times are if we never have the good times to reflect back on?
If things are going bad, keep up the hope for the good. Don't think that it will never end. Everything has an end and it will come to you today, tomorrow, next week, or next month. It might feel like a long time to wait but eventually it will pass like this did for me and you can look back and see that you made it.
That's all from this chic for now. Time for Creative Karma to get back to the books, so to speak.
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